His Personal Ghost
by TheRoseintheStorm
Summary: The story takes place in the middle of the Amy's Choice episode with Dreamlord and birds. I love when the Doctor suffers, so no reuniting with Rose, just haunting. Better summary and explanation inside.


This is my first story, so be kind please :3

This is the first of the Eleventh Doctor and His Personal Rose-Ghost Series. I have to say that I loved Eleventh Doctor era, I loved the Ponds, I liked River (a bit problem with Clara, but it doesn't matter). But I've always regretted that the Doctor didn't talk about Rose, where it would suit perfectly. I know why Moffat did this and he was right to do so but as a fan I am entitled to write whatever the hell I want ^_^

So this first story of the 5-7 seasons rewritten stories. They won't be re-written much and I'll stick to the canon as close as possible, but I'll add things that to my mind would make these episodes better.

I do not own Doctor Who, if I did, I would make Rose travelling with the Doctor until his 35th incarnation. Everything belongs to the BBC accept for my original work.

The story takes place in the middle of the Amy's Choice episode with Dreamlord and birds. I love when the Doctor suffers, so no reuniting with Rose, just haunting.

Here they were again, in this God forgotten village, surrounded by unknown people and this Dreamlord who I think I know who is following us, and I don't feel like playing anymore, I just want Amy and Rory to get out of here safely. I think this time our adventures gone too far. Plus the fact, that they might understand that I am not that good for them, I mean Amy would understand, Rory figured it out the moment we met.

- They're just old people. - the very round Amelia Pond said

- No, they're very old people. Sorry, Rory, I don't think you're what's been keeping them alive.

- Hello, peasants. - I heard this nagging voice of a Dreamlord again.- What's this, attack of the old people? Oh, that's ridiculous. This has got to be the dream, hasn't it? What do you think, Amy? Let's all jump under a bus and wake up in the TARDIS. You first.

- Leave her alone. - not Amy, don't you dare threaten Amy, especially if you are...

- Do that again. I love it when he does that. Tall dark hero. Leave her alone.

- Just leave her. - Rory decided to step in.

-Yes, you're not quite so impressive, but I know where your heart lies, don't I, Amy Pond?

Slowly, the Dreamlord approached Amy, almost touching her.

-Shut up. Just shut up and leave me alone.

-But listen. - he continued torturing her, - You're in there. Loves a redhead, the Doctor. Has he told you about Elizabeth the First? Well, she thought she was the first. - he said with a terrible smile and then turned to me. And I just knew who he was. He was me.

-Drop it. Drop all of it. I know who you are.

- Course you don't.

-Course I do. - I laughed bitterly, - No idea how you can be here, but there's only one person in the universe who hates me as much as you do.

And that was the truth. Not one being, not one Dalek will ever hate me as much as I hated myself. After everything, after Gallifrey, after Sarah Jane, Adric and Peri, after me being so cruel to Martha after Donna's memory loss, after Rose...

- Oh, good thing you've mentioned her. - the Dreamlord said suddenly

And now was the moment when I was really scared, what if he read my mind, what if he is going to use this painful memory against me? And of course...

- Now, as we are all here with your brand new models, we can have a bit of a flashback.

- What does he mean, Doctor? - Amy asked in a worried voice.

- DON'T - I growled

The Dreamlord clicked his fingers, the way I open the TARDIS nowadays and I saw her. She was slowly approaching us from the hill behind Amy and Rory. Just as I remember her, well, of course. After all she was his dream too. How ironic the Dreamlord, the Timelord and their timeless dream.

-Who is she? - Rory asked, while Rose impossibly slowly was moving towards us with her blonde hair and big smile and warm eyes. I had to remind myself that this was a way for torturing me, not helping. Perhaps the Dreamlord wanted to tease my companions a little.

-Oh, stupid nose, that is someone from Doctor's past, or perhaps future as well? What do you think, Doctor? - he turned to me. - If there is Heaven surely she would be your reward? Won't she ?After all you did l...

-Stop it, - I snapped. The raging anger boiled in me I was losing control - Why are you doing it? You care for her too!

- So? You broke her heart so many times, I've lost count and yet...Oh, hello, dear.

- Hello, - the sweetest voice in the universe said. - Would you be so kind to tell me why am I here? - and that was it. My heart stopped. I felt it last beat when I turned my head and saw her...

- You are not real - was all I managed to say.

- Who is she, Doctor, please tell us. - Amy asked, I looked into her green eyes which shined with trust and confusion and I understood what Dreamlord wanted to do. He wanted to ruin our friendship, he wanted to show that no matter how much I care about her, one day she'll be gone and I won't come back for her. And to do so, he used the image of the only woman I ever truly loved.

- Tell, her Doctor – the Dreamlord continued his fascinating torture. – Tell her the story of a lost girl who saved you in the ways that no one will ever be able to save you again, tell her about the beach, tell her that there was someone else. Someone who was more important than Amy.

-Stop it, that's not true. – I was terrified now, but I have to prove, that no matter how much I loved Rose, that Amy was and is my true friend, my family.

-Doctor, who is this woman? – Amy demanded now. Rose's doppelganger stood there silently and watched us with mild curiosity, her warm hazel eyes looked at me without recognition and the worst part I knew she wasn't here, that she was in another dimension, with him, my luckiest incarnation of all. My human self.

- That is one of the Doctor's previous companions, little Amelia. – he said slyly taking Rose's hand in his, just the way I used to.

- What? Doctor, what does he mean? You've travelled with someone else before us?

- Of course he had. –suddenly the image of Rose said, but I heard, that wasn't her calming voice, that was a Dreamlord talking through her. That was me and all things, all lies I've put her through. – He had dozen's of the companions before you, before me. And after you'll be gone he'll meet someone else. Someone else is going to have a crack in a wall, or will be transported to the TARDIS, or he'll abduct someone, or blew up someone's job. Isn't that right, Doctor?

I had to look into her eyes, her soft-brown shining eyes and I lost it. I knew It wasn't her, I knew that she was just a perfect image of my sick memory, I knew that I basically talked to myself (well, that wasn't so bad, I speak to myself all the time), I knew that this was a trap but I had at least talk to her for awhile. It's been so, so long since I last saw her. Yeah my Tenth self counted only the years he spend around his companions, but in reality it's been decades, maybe even centuries since I saw her last time on that beach kissing not me, but me. I can't tell precisely how long it's been. After Time Lord Victorious I didn't even care to register time. That was truly hell-like years for me. Of course I visited her just before my previous regeneration. I remember I saved that visit for the very last. But it didn't really count, did it? She didn't know me, I was a drunk stranger to her, not her Doctor.

- Yes, Rose. You are right as always, even if it's not really you.

- Not really me? – she laughed. God, how I missed that laugh. – Just because I am not in my physical body doesn't mean it's not me. You remember me, you knew me better than anyone as you said in ancient Rome. Remember, when you made a statue of me? You said I was your Fortuna.

- I remember, but still you are just an image, a way to weaken me.

- Doctor, what the hell is going on?! – Amy was really angry now

- Hash Amy, don't you see? The Doctor is talking to someone else, someone precious, far more precious than you or your fiancée.

Amy was really hurt, I could see it, I could see that her trust began to fade, Rory hugged her and whispered something I didn't catch.

- Don't listen to him Amy, I promise the moment we get out of here I'll answer all your questions.- lie again, I knew I won't answer her and the Dreamlord knew it, but at least I'll try to answer the questions about Rose, at least some of them.

- Oh yeah, right. Tell Amy about our precious Rose Tyler, the way she smiled at you, the way she saved you, - than his eyes sparkled - the way she loved you.

I knew that eventually he'll get to this point.

-Amy, listen to ,me. – I approached the scared couple and grabbed Amy's shoulders – I admit I am not always honest with you, I admit I hide things from you, but right now you have to trust me. Trust me that I want to get us out of here save and sound. Please, Pond.

Amy looked into my eyes, really looked and for the first time since our travels she really saw me. Not a handsome hero, young and mad in his magical machine. But me old, broken and alone.

-Ok, yes. – She said. – I trust you, Doctor. But don't think you'll get away from this!

-Wouldn't dream of it! – I grinned happily.

-Where is Dreamlord and the blonde girl…Rose go? – asked Rory

I turned around, no one was there, except for the group of old people approaching us.

After running and spinning we got in the TARDIS again.

-Ah, it's colder. – it really was, even for me with my Timelord temperature control. I decided to get to the point.

- The three of us have to agree, now, which is the dream.

- It's this, here. – Rory said confidently. I looked at him, poor guy he just wanted a family with the woman he loves and I ruined that. Again.

- He could be right. The science is all wrong here. Burning ice? –Amy decided to take a clever guess. But…

- No, no, no. Ice can burn. Sofas can read. It's a big universe. We have to agree which battle to lose. All of us, now.

- Okay, which world do you think is real?

- This one. – I said. And it was. For me, because I don't want them to leave and live in that peaceful village even though I know that something bad will happen eventually and they will be gone. That's me selfish, old monster who takes away people's lives.

- No, the other one. – Rory interfered.

- Yeah, but are we disagreeing or competing?

- Competing? – Amy asked. - Over what? Oh. -She realized it. That now everything depended on her, not us.

- Nine minutes till impact.

- What temperature is it?

- Outside? Brrr. How many noughts have you got? Inside? I don't know but I can't feel my feet and other parts.

- I think all my parts are basically fine.

- Stop competing.

Rory picks up the TARDIS telephone.

-Can't we call for help?- Oh this is so, so human

- Yeah, because the universe is really small and there's bound to be someone nearby. – I couldn't help but chuckle.

All of a sudden Amy came back with some sort of blankets.

- Put these on, both of you.

Amy has cut a slit in the middle of the blankets.

-Oh, a poncho. The biggest crime against fashion since lederhosen. – Of course. Rory is always happy with whatever Amy chooses.

- Here we go. My boys. My poncho boys. If we're going to die, let's die looking like a Peruvian folk band.

- We're not going to die. – Well except maybe for this one.

- No, we're not, but our time's running out. If we fall asleep here we're in trouble. If we could divide up, then we'd have an active presence in each world, but the Dream Lord is switching us between the worlds. Why? Why? what's the logic?

- Good idea, veggie. Let's divide you three up, so I can have a little chat with our lovely companion. Oh no, I've got a better idea. What if Rose will be her too? Hah? Just imagine nice little chat between Amy and Rose. Blonde and red. How hot is that? Don't you think, Timelord? Maybe I'll keep both of them, and you can have Pointy Nose to yourself for all eternity, should you manage to clamber aboard some sort of reality.

- Can you hear that? – Rory turned to Amy.

-What? No.

- Amy, don't be scared. We'll be back. And don't listen to Rose, it's not her, it's just Dreamlord's trick! – I pleaded and everything went black again.

The Doctor and Rory fall asleep.

-Rory, Doctor, don't leave me. – Damn it! I don't wanna stay here alone with a crazy guy and some ghost-chic from Doctor's past.

- Amy, the three of us going to have fun, aren't we?

- No, please, not alone.

The Dreamlord clicked his fingers and this unknown Rose appeared. I wasn't sure who I was afraid of more.

There is a thick layer of frost over everything. I feel terribly cold and alone, in the console room with this creature and a blonde girl who appeared to be the same age as I am.

-Poor Amy. He always leaves you, doesn't he, alone in the dark. Never apologizes. – the Dreamlord began.

-He doesn't have to. – and it was the truth, after knowing the Doctor after travelling with him after looking into his very soul this day I see why he keeps running away.

- That's good, because he never will. – said the blonde one. -You know Amy, we are all alike, you and me, every other companion the Doctor leaves us and moves on, never to return, he makes us believe that we are special but in reality we are just another one's in a very long line.

- And now he's left you with me. Spooky old, not to be trusted me. Anything could happen. – the creepy one continued. Something clicked and here he was in a robe, trying to seduce me. I don't whether it was pathetic or terrifying.

- Who are you, and what do you want? The Doctor knows you, but he's not telling me who you are. And he always does. Takes him a while sometimes, but he tells me. So you're something different, -I decided to step in. The best defense is the attack, right?

- Oh, is that who you think you are? The one he trusts? – the Dreamlord smiled and appeared next to Rose girl. He put his hand on her knee. Rose looked at him…almost lovingly and in this moment I had a quick thought in the back of my mind, but I couldn't put a finger on it and then he started talking again and I forgot what it was.

-Look at her, Amy. Look at this beautiful woman in my arms, at this perfect Rose, as he used to call her. – the Dreamlord kept stroking her leg, getting higher and higher until it rested on Rose's thigh. – You have no idea how many times your Doctor imagined touching her like this, how many dirty thoughts he had about her, how much he wanted her.

The Dreamlord looked at Rose's face and it was something different in his expression. It wasn't anger or disgust or triumph. It was longing and sadness, the same image the Doctor had when he was looking at this mysterious girl

-Who are you?

Dreamlord returned his attention to Amy. And stood up.

-It doesn't matter who I am Amelia Pond. What matters is this. Two worlds, two men. Now, which one of these men would you really choose? Look at them. You ran away with a handsome hero. Would you really give him up for a bumbling country doctor who thinks the only thing he needs to be interesting is a ponytail?

- Stop it.

- You already know what your choice is, don't you? I already made mine and you'll follow me, like everyone else did. – said Rose in silent voice. She approached the Dreamlord and took his hand and they both looked at each like the lost lovers finally reunited.

Dreamlord looked at Amy.

- Pick a world, and this nightmare will all be over. They'll listen to you. It's you they're waiting for. Amy's men. Amy's choice.

And with that he and Rose disappeared.

Meanwhile the Doctor was trying to ride a car. Blimey, he was clumsy in this body, how he wished for his karate skills from his Third life or iron muscles from Ninth (well, almost Ninth).The Dream Lord appeared wearing a peach racing suit and holding a full face helmet. He was grinning evilly.

- It's make your mind up time in both worlds.

-Fine. I need to find my friends. – I had to, no matter what I had to save Amy and Rory.

- Friends? Is that the right word for the people you acquire? Friends are people you stay in touch with. Your friends never see you again once they've grown up. The old man prefers the company of the young, does he not? Especially young and beautiful girls.

-Why are you here? Is this some kind of punishment game? Because if it is get away from Ponds, you and I can fight until the end of days.

- No, no, no. That's not fun at all! The best way to play was always through your companions. Even Martha and Rory-like. Remember Martha? You were so bad to her even I was surprised!

- I wasn't bad! I didn't want to! – I growled. The guilt of how I treated my doctor-friend was still there even after all those years. – I just, she was…

-She just wasn't me, was she? – I nearly crashed the car. Rose's voice was sound and clear and terrifying. I stopped the car and took a deep breath.

- Yes, Rose. She wasn't you. But then again no one is. But that doesn't matter I don't care for them and you know it.

-Cause I do Doctor,- she laughed and somehow I didn't notice when Dreamlord vanished. Rose got out of the car and approached the window next to me. She bent down and I couldn't bring myself to look away. She was so beautiful and she was here. No, stop it. It's not her. It's a parasite playing games on you.

- What do you want? – I whispered

-You, of course. As always. – she answered, so truthfully that I almost forgot it was a dream.

-You have me. – I answered. – You live with me, in another universe, happily ever after.

-Are you sure? Are you sure that I am happy there? With your mortal version knowing that you here alone, - she opened the door and took my hand. I couldn't bring myself to resist. She was looking in my eyes now, I could feel her sent, I could see every freckle on her face and I decided to give in. Just for a little while, just for this moment.

-Yes, I am sure. Because he is me and he loves you and he will do everything to make you happy, the way you made me.

She smiled gently and then, yes, she kissed me. Slowly and lovingly, just like I did all those years ago taking vortex out of her, I couldn't help but answered her. I took her face into my hands and kissed her as hard as I could. And I didn't care that she wasn't real. That it will hurt so much if I survive this. All that mattered was Rose in my arms and her lips on my lips. I could feel her body pressed against me and all the deep hidden thoughts and fantasies hit me like a ton of bricks. All I wanted to stay like this. Forever, just like we vowed.

With impossible effort I made myself stop. I dragged myself to reality where Amy and Rory were in danger, where our lives depended on minutes. I breathed hard resting my forehead on hers.

-How I wish you weren't a dream, Rose Tyler. How much I wish to stay like this forever.

-Then stay, - she answered me. Her full lips were swollen from the kiss and she was perfect. My perfect Rose.

-I can't. You are my past. As much as I want you to be here you are not. I learned to live with this fact and I won't go back. You were the best thing that happened to me. But you are gone.

-If you stay here, we can spend forever kissing and touching and making love. – I shivered at this, she continued with a smile. – We could stay here or in the TARDIS, the Dreamlord will send Amy and her fiancée back on Earth into safety. And you and I will have a second chance.

I smiled sadly. I almost wished to stay here. But I had to go. I knew from the beginning that this why my torturer was in the form of Rose. Because I always said yes to her, because it was so tempting to stay here.

-Goodbye, Rose. – I turned around and as quickly as I could walked away. With a silent click Rose vanished into thin air.

After sometime in the TARDIS.

The Dreamlord is gone, now is a hard part. I know that Pond won't just leave it, especially when she understood that the Dreamlord was me. After a few hours I heard light steps behind me. I was sitting on the couch in the library watching the water. It was calming and cleared my thoughts.

-So you and Rory are happy-weppy now? – I asked with my young and cheerful voice.

-Happy-weppy? What kind of word is that? – she asked smiling. Amy sat next to me. And I knew what was coming next.

-So, Doctor. Is there something you wanna tell me? You promised, remember.

-Amy do we really have to…

-Yes we do. You asked me to trust you and I did. Now it's your turn to tell me the truth.

I sighed. She was right. After everything I put her and Rory through at least she deserved to know the truth, part of it anyway.

-OK, Pond. What do you want to know? I assume it's not about the creepy me, is it?

-No, it's not. Although I still don't like the idea that your dark side turned up against you in such way.

-Oh, come on Pond – I laughed. – That is why it's called the "dark side". It's just a bit more powerful with me.

-Cause you are old and mysterious, yeah, yeah I get it. But you know what I want to know. Who was she? The Rose girl?

I sighed. I felt so, so old, ancient in fact and very tired.

-Well, you heard the big part. Rose used to be my companion many years ago.

-Yeah, I figured this, thanks. – said Amy impatiently. – What I meant who was she to you? The way you and him talked to her and about her, I thought, well I thought maybe you and her were…you know.

-Amy, it's complicated. – I closed my eyes, Rose's face burned in my head just like all those years ago when I lost her, I did told Martha and Donna about her, because my Tenth self promised that she won't be forgotten like Sarah Jane. But as I regenerated I decided that I am free from my promises and I still think so. But having this adventure, I guess I didn't have much of a choice. Amy waited. Not saying a word, it wasn't like her. She was passionate and curios I could feel how much she tries not to push and I decided. I opened my eyes and started to talk.

-Many years ago, when I looked different, spoke different and basically was a different person I met Rose. After some chain of events I invited her to travel with me. Well, after some time she said yes.

-After sometime?

-Yeah, Rose was very stubborn, even more stubborn than you are – I gave her a small smile, which she returned. – and it took sometime to persuade her to come. Anyway she and I started travelling. We travelled for about three years in raw. Although there was one year when I had to leave her, cause of the statue thing, but anyway it all worked out I saved her she saved me and we resumed our travels. Until one day, when she had to stay with her family. – Yeah that's one way to put it. But there is no way in the universe he'll going to tell anyone about that doomsday. About how hard it was to go on, about Donna and if it wasn't for her that he would be dead now.

-And what, she just left you? She broke her heart? – Amy couldn't believe it. There was no way this Rose, whoever she was, would leave the Doctor willingly.

- No, well yes, but it's more complicated than it sounds. She couldn't come back. Literally, she was dead for this world. – his face went blank remembering white endless wall that separated them.

-What do you mean she couldn't? You've got the TARDIS, you can go anywhere and anywhen.

-I wish I could, but no. Even I have my limits.- I said bitterly. – Anyway Rose was unreachable for me. We got in touch by accident once or twice since then but that's it.- wow, Doctor you are becoming the master of lying and omitting things. Even your Seventh self wasn't that good.

-But is she alright, though? I mean if you got in touch, whatever that means – Amy rolled her eyes, - than you know how she is.

The Doctor closed his eyes again and then looked at Amy.

-I hope she is. I did everything in my power to ensure her happiness.

Amy frowned. He could see that it wasn't enough for her. That she wanted to know more but he just couldn't. He couldn't really talk to Amy about it. It was too painful and he wanted to forget. He wanted to be able finally move on and he wouldn't be able to that if he will dig himself into those memories again. Dreamlord already damaged his defenses.

-Look, Amelia - I took her hand. – I know it's not enough, I know you want to know more, especially after all those things you heard but I can't. I never was good in emotional things it's too complex for me and it's too human. What you need to know is that Rose is my past. And I have a huge past, I am very very old man. And no matter how much I cared of her you and Rory are here now. And I am happy to have you here, you are my friends and companions. I had many lives and in each life I met people who became special to me. And in this life you and Rory became my family and I intend to keep it that way as long as possible.

Amy looked at this old man in a young lad's body and understood. That sometimes you should let things go she hugged her wonderful raggedy Doctor and felt how his body relaxed. She felt so sorry for him for everything he lost, for his pain and guilt. But she needed to know one more thing.

-Ok, Doctor. -She freed herself from Doctor's embrace and looked him in the eyes.- I won't ask details about you and her anymore and if you want I won't bring up this topic ever again unless you ask it for yourself. But I need to know one thing.

-All right, - he was thankful for her understanding but was a bit alarmed by this one last question.

-I just …after this Dreamlord guy and all those things he told me about you and how you behaved when I kissed you, which I still feel a bit of awkward about, he scared me a bit. It's like he was implying that you are not capable of caring for someone for real but at the same time I know that you care for me and Rory, well in a way at least and I get it that he was plotting thins in order to get to us. But I need to hear it from you. Not from your guilty consciousness, but you. I always thought that you, well, that you just don't do these kinds of things but after River's implications and after Rose's appearance I need to know whether or not you are capable of loving someone. So there it's…Were you in love with Rose?

I was startled. I knew I could lie or omit this question or run away as I always did. But for some reason I didn't and I simply answered.

-Yes.

-Are you still in love with her?

-Amy…I, - she looked like a child again waiting for me to save her from the monstrous side of me she saw today. I know she needed to persuade herself that I am not a monster that I am capable of truly loving someone. And I owed her that. – Yes I am. I always have and I always will. Nothing can change that, - I sighed.

-What about River? – she asked suddenly.

-What about her?

-Well, she did imply she was your wife and she is certainly not Rose who you defiantly not over.

I looked at her in confusion.

-First of all time can be re-written. Second of all I have no intention ever get into any kind of relationships with Professor Song whatever she might imply. Third, even if in a few centuries I'll decide to give it a go what makes you think that I won't be over Rose? Plus it's a bit of like being a widower. Just because she isn't with me doesn't mean I stopped l…what I am trying to say that I know Rose and yeah she would be jealous but first of all she wants me to be happy just as much as I want her to be happy.

-OK, - Amy said simply. – I believe you. And you know, Doctor. You are so wrong about yourself. No matter what you did no matter what you lost, if you are still capable of loving someone like this then everything is all right.

With that Amy kissed the Doctor on the cheek and went to her and Rory's room leaving confused Doctor for his thoughts.


End file.
